Incitement
by boohoo650
Summary: I feel it, but I’m still wondering whether love is always enough to make up for what is lacking. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own them. Just taking them out for a stroll. Also, this story may eventually move to 'M.'

A/N 2: Spoilers for "Silencer" and some other season 6 happenings. This story assumes that Alex and Bobby had been involved but split somewhere around the time of "The War at Home." This will be my first multi chapter story. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.

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Staring at the ceiling from my couch with half a bottle of wine in me I felt sick to my stomach. But it wasn't the wine that had me feeling ill. It was what I had done. When I had made my way to my car the night before I truly hadn't expected Peter to follow me, let alone be parked next to me. Bobby had decided to walk to the Subway and, on impulse, I asked Peter if he wanted to get a bite to eat. A few glasses of wine later and we had moved on from the Lower East Side bistro and up to Peter's apartment.

After Joe died for the longest time I made a point of not bringing men home. Sure, I had sex. Brief relationships, one night stands. But I made a point of not allowing someone into my home. Into my most personal space. Maybe that's why things never worked out. Until Bobby. Since Bobby had already been in my apartment prior to the start of our "extracurricular activities" I figured it didn't matter. However, after I lost Bobby from my life in the personal sense it seemed only right that I get back to my old habits.

When I woke up in Peter's bed I knew immediately that I wouldn't have time to go home. Thus, being the quintessential gentleman, Peter walked me back to where I had left my car near the bistro. This, of course, led to our walking out of the elevator and onto the eleventh floor of One PP together. Immediately, knowing Bobby knew, I realized I had made a mistake.

Since Thanksgiving we had been unofficially apart. I call it unofficial because we never really broke it off. When he had told me in no uncertain terms to "back off" I did. I thought if I gave him his space he would come back. He didn't. So I moved on. Maybe my rebound roll in the hay being with a fellow detective wasn't the best idea I've ever had, but it had to be someone.

Not to mention the fact that Bobby Goren does not get a say in the men I choose to spend my time with outside of work. He doesn't even get to have an opinion. He gave that right up when he told me to "back off." The way he's treated me since Thanksgiving hardly even qualifies as being friendly. Sure, he asked me if we were okay. What does that even mean? Sure we're okay. No one's dead or bleeding on the floor. We're fine. But since when is that considered good enough?

So why do I feel guilty? I don't think I ever expected myself to be the girl that stayed at home and waited for the guy to come around. Either the guy WAS around or he wasn't. Yet here I am. I went out and got a new guy, one who seems nice and charming and intelligent, and it's given me no peace of mind. Pleasure of body maybe, but certainly no peace of mind.

Somewhere in the depths of my psyche I feel like I've done something wrong. It's probably because I know, in my heart of hearts, that I did it to spite Bobby. A man who already is carrying around the weight of the world. Sure, he didn't have the right to take it out on me… but he did. And so in my twisted mind it justified throwing it back in his face. At least last night it did.

There is this banging. Why won't it stop? I feel like someone has taken a hammer to my head or, at the very least, to my house. Wait. Wait. Wait. It's knocking. The hammering on my house is knocking. Bingo.

I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait until it goes away. I know who it is and it is not going to be invited inside tonight. I'm just going to grab this bottle off the coffee table and take another swig. Ignorance is bliss. This sudden scratching that sounds like a key in a lock forces me out of my reverie and into reality. Still, I'm not even going to sit up. If he wants to come in let him. As much as I care, I know I'm not up for whatever it is he's serving.

"Alex? Eames? Are you here?"

He knows I'm here. Why is he pretending? He sounds almost angry. The lights are on and the car is in the driveway. As I let out a breath I wasn't fully conscious I had been holding I start to realize that the idea of having an angry Bobby in my house makes me not a little bit nervous.

Suddenly he's standing over me, his eyes boring into mine.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself." That's it let's try to be a nonchalant as possible. Still, as much as I would love to just smile and nod I can feel my anger starting to simmer just below the surface. A dormant volcano coming back to life.

"You want to tell me what that was today?" he queries.

"You want to tell me why you're standing uninvited in my apartment asking me about things that don't concern you?"

"Things that don't concern me? I'm sorry, was there a memo I missed? Last time I checked we had something going on. As in something that made it wrong for us to seek out other people for sex."

"Last time you checked? When was that? After telling me to back off or before asking me if we were okay and then continuing to ignore the problems between us?" I could feel my hostility growing. The anger was no longer just simmering. It was about to boil over the sides of the pot.

"Alex. Dammit…" I heard him start to trail off and he moved from his position standing above me and started to pace. It seems, for the first time in a long time, that he may be realizing that I can't be blamed for everything here.

"Alex…" Again with the failure to form a sentence.

"Alex what? What do you want to say to me Bobby? What were you expecting? In fact, what did you expect to even get out of coming here tonight? Did you come here to see if I brought Peter home with me, are you that masochistic?"

"What were you thinking? Did you think I wouldn't notice when you two arrived together this morning? I mean, would it kill you to have some tact?"

"Oh, you're really one to talk. Did you expect me to wait for you Bobby? Wait until you got over whatever issues seem to be tethering you to a post? Guess what. I waited. And waited. And waited. You never came around. You know when my husband died as much as it hurt it taught me one of the greatest life lessons I've ever had to learn. You don't wait for things Bobby. Not for that long. And you know, for you I probably would have continued to wait had you given me a sign. Something to show me you were still alive in that head of yours and not just a puppet going through the motions of life. I respect myself enough to know that I deserve better."

"Too good for me but not above a one night stand, that it?"

"Screw you." I want to hit him so badly. Then the feeling seems to start to pass. I'm realizing that irrational Alex is coming out to play. Sometimes she and I are good friends, other times she paints me into a corner and makes decisions that aren't the best in the long run. Unfortunately, in this moment I don't know what right is.

I decide it's time to stand up on my own two legs. I'm tired of watching Bobby dance circles around me.

"What did you hope to accomplish by coming here?" I hear myself and realize that my voice has softened. I'm starting to put irrational Alex back into the closet. "Really, Bobby? What do you want? Did you come here to hurt me with your words? Did you come here to see if I was with someone else? Does that serve any real purpose to you? It's done. There is nothing between Peter and I. It was a one-off. But I don't owe you any explanations about that. You and I, we work together. We're not doing anything else. You've made sure of that. You wanted me to reach out to you. I did. You shoved me away. I can't let you play with my head like that. I'm not that strong. " I gaze out the window into the darkness of night. Why won't he just leave? I'm much better on my own. "You should go." There. I said it. There are no mixed signals to be deciphered, no messages to decode.

"Tell me it's over."

"I just asked you to leave."

"Look at me and tell me it's over."

And I can't. I can't look at him and tell him that. I want to, but I can't bare the fact that I will have to see pain in the eyes of someone I at one time saw as one of my best friends and know that I caused that pain to be there.

Suddenly I'm being pulled around and stared into. I literally feel as though his eyes are drilling deep down into my soul. Maybe into a place I can't even see. Then it happens.

I'm feeling his lips on mine and I don't even know how to respond. They're soft, just as I remember them. Like riding a bike, it's one of those things you never forget. The touch of someone who you know loves you unconditionally. I feel it, but I'm still wondering whether love is always enough to make up for what is lacking.

Then they're gone. I feel the loss immediately and I'm also sensing the finality of the situation. I know we're both trying to get some closure on the last few months but I can see what's happening right now for what it's really worth.

"Tell me it's over." He's a broken record and I can't tell if it's me that broke him or if he was just made that way. I'm realizing now that his question relates to the whole pie of our existence and not just a single slice.

And I don't know the answer.

…TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Still don't own them. They belong to someone smarter than me.

I'm not going to lie. I really don't know why I came here. I don't know what I expected to see when I arrived. Sure, all of me wanted to find her alone and not in the arms of someone else. A smaller part of me wanted to find her with a little bit of regret. Worse, the smallest part of me did sort of want to see her hurting.

It's wrong, I know. I have this torn up feeling inside about it. But I'm human. And sometimes we humans do awful things to each other. Sometimes we even wish ill on others. Sure, you think you probably shouldn't be doing it to people you love. That's crap though. We all know how the saying goes… _you always hurt the ones you love the most_.

Now though? Now I'm just scared. When I looked at her and told her to tell me it was over, and look me in the eye while doing it, I hadn't expected her to jump back in my arms or anything but I certainly wasn't thinking she'd take her sweet time with it. I was not at all thinking that her lips would freeze entirely when mine touched them. Does she really not care anymore? I can't even arouse her enough to make her lips move? I know for sure that she is the best lover I've ever had, and she certainly ranks among the most responsive women I've ever been with. Now her lips stand still.

Have I really disgusted her that much? Have I started down the same vile path my father once walked… using women, hurting them, leaving them? I've had more than my share of one night stands, but those were mutual decisions. I've never taken someone I've truly cared for and completely trampled on them. I still can't tell if I'm doing it now.

She's asked me to leave, but I can't. I simply won't move from this house until I know for sure where we stand. Maybe I was in the wrong. Okay, I was totally in the wrong to just leave her dangling for months and in my heart I did not totally expect hr to wait around. But part of me did. And she waited. As my partner she waited. As my friend she waited. Not as my lover. That seems to be a bitter pill to swallow.

She's not even moving now. Just staring back at me. I have frequently wondered who would win in a staring contest. I can take a good long look into someone's eyes, but Alex as I know her is stubborn as a mule. We could be here all night at this rate. I would have expected her to have said something, anything, by now. The idea that I can illicit no response from this woman the way could a suspect is frustrating me to no end.

Did I just liken Alex, the woman I love, to a suspect? Even if only in my own head? Maybe this is why she doesn't love you. If you'd stop comparing her to perps maybe then she wouldn't have this pained look on her face right now.

One minute she's here and the next she's gone. Somewhere during my inner musings about Alex being akin to a suspect I'v stopped being able to smell the wine that had been on her breath. She had slipped out from between me and the wall and simply walked away.

I watch her go to the coffee table and retrieve the mostly empty bottle of wine, drain what's left of it, and move to the kitchen. I'm watching, not moving. The ball is in her court now.

The next thing I know the bottle is being hurled back at the wall. This is a side I've never seen. I have to admit it's kind of turning me on.

"What gives you the right?!" The yelling comes almost as quickly as the bottle.

"Seriously? What gives you the right to just waltz into my home after what you've done? Do you think it's okay to screw around with people like this? I loved you and I would have done anything, anything you asked…"

As she trails off I can tell she's trying not to cry, trying not to let me see how this is eating her up inside. This doesn't scare me even though I can only count two occasions on which I've watched Alex shed tears. What scares me is the fact that she used the word love in the past tense. I'm starting to realize that this could be it, this could actually be the time when she tell's me it's over. I'm even wondering if she's just trying to get all of her rage out before she does it.

I want to run. No, actually, I want to vomit. This horrible nausea has come over me and it's just getting worse. The idea of her actually telling me it's over makes me want to put my head in a toilet and wretch like I haven't since the first time I got a little too loaded in my military days.

Still, this would be taking the easy way out. While the boy in me wants to run and hide, the man in me knows I have to fight for this. I have to take responsibility for what I've done to this woman. Even if it means walking away when she tells me it's time.

"Alex… please. I don't want to fight and I don't want to know your reasons. I just want to know… yes or no."

So that didn't come out right, did it? I do want to know her reasons and I am willing to fight to hear them. Apparently there is a slight disconnect between my brain and my mouth this evening.

"I hate you."

"Wha-?" I'm so shocked at the words that have come out of her mouth that it's suddenly impossible for me to have a game plan.

"I love you so much and you have made it so hard… God, Bobby. What the fuck?"

It seems like she, too, is losing her game plan.

"Bobby. Why couldn't you just leave when I asked you?"

She's moving towards me now and that has me feeling slightly off kilter. It's the first time this evening she hasn't tried to get away from me. But I can feel the anger radiating off her body the way the sun radiates heat. It's because they are the same. Somehow, she has become the center of my universe.

"Why couldn't you just go?"

She asks me over and over again as her fists start slamming against my chest. I suspect that if she weren't so short when barefooted, or if I weren't so tall, she would take a good crack at my face.

There it is again. This anger, this slightly darker side of her, it's actually making me want her more. It's turning me on. And I can't resist any longer. It's inciting me to do what I'm about to.

I grab her hands mid-swing and spin her around. She's struggling against me but I'm planting my lips just below her right earlobe, in the hollow of her neck, I taste beautiful, supple flesh. I begin nibbling, licking, and sucking in a slow rhythmic motion.

"Tell me it's over" Nibble. Lick. Suck.

"Tell me now, or I'm not going to be able to stop myself." Nibble. Lick. Suck.

She stops struggling but I continue my assault on her neck with her body flush against mine. Drinking her in for all she's worth, knowing this may be the last sip I ever get. And dammit, I want to make it worth every drop.

Nibble. Lick. Suck.

I am sort of wondering what's going through her head. Her head which is suddenly leaning a little bit to the left. Inviting me to move my mouth to her earlobe. I don't want her to give in just because of the physical attraction… but part of me doesn't care how I get her to give in, just that I do.

I slide one of my arms down from where it had been resting across her chest, pinning her arms to their sides, so that I can run my fingers just under the hemline of her red sweater. Just up against the waistband of her black trousers. I'm not sure which direction I want to go in first. It all seems so appetizing.

"Bobby…"

She is saying my name in some sort of a breathless whisper and I'm so nervous that she is finally going to stop me. But now I'm feeling her left arm reach up and back. Her nails scratching along my neck, fingers applying enough pressure to hold my head in its place as my mouth continues its ministrations.

I spin her back around and am giving her one last look. One last chance to tell me. Tell me it's over. I see the spark in her eyes, but my insecurities aren't allowing me to decipher whether is lust or actual love. What I also see is that she realizes I'm on temporary pause. Waiting for her give me a sign.

Suddenly, I'm being shoved backwards, over the arm of the couch and I have a petite blonde lying over me. Taking charge of me.

Sealing her lips to mine.

…TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't own them. Kudos to Dick Wolf for thinking them up.

Wait. Alex, stop. Stop now. My mind is screaming at me to knock it off but my body wants nothing more then to go further. My body seems to be in shock over the fact that my mind wants to start a kiss I initiated. But it has to be done. I am woman, hear me roar.

"Bobby… we have to…" My own voice is failing me. Damn you voice.

"I know, baby, I know."

"No… Bobby… please… we have to…" In between breathless kisses I'm choking out these words. Willing them to come.

"Bobby. Stop." There. The magic word. It's foolproof. Bobby would never do anything to me against my will.

He's staring up at me, those dark orbs trying to peak into my soul and read me. If only it were so simple. Believe me, I wish what I needed to say could just be understood through a look, or even a hand gesture. Again, I can't believe that I'm stopping something after I consented to it.

"We can't just do this. I want to. Oh god, do I want to. But we can't. We have to be adults and talk about these things because this, this between us, is not just about sex. It was never going to just be about sex. We were partners for four years before we had sex and it was never going to be about sex. And it's not going to start being just about sex now. You aren't that guy for me, and I'm not going to be that girl for you. I need more than that from you. You were the "more than that" guy for me. You weren't some one-night stand. Please, Bobby, help me out here…" I'm dying inside, and he's still staring. Now, of course, he appears to be staring in confusion but still staring nonetheless. And I'm… missing the physical contact. To be honest, I'm missing the feeling of being totally safe that I used to get when I laid in his arms. Forget sex, you can get that anywhere. But you can't get that feeling, THAT feeling from just anyone. So, I've decided to lay my head on his chest and put my hand on his heart. I need to feel it beating and know that there is a soul in there.

"Alex?" The quiet, questioning tone of his voice makes me realize that although he has been jerking me around for the past few months playing head games with him now is not going to help either of us.

I decide I have to sit up and move away from him. To a position less threatening to my sanity then one involving my mid-section being pressed against his. So I move myself back, and sit myself up on his knees.

"Bobby, we have to talk. We have to really talk. And not in a situation compromised by our physical attraction to one another. In a public place, maybe that would be best? We need to work this out because I can't seem tell you that it's over but I can't convince myself that it's a good idea. You have been my best friend for six years and we, I, need to work this out if for no other reason then to get some closure."

"You want to go out? Like, out on a date?" He's grasping at straws from what I can tell. He doesn't know what I want because I don't know what I want.

"I… no. Not a date. Just… a meeting between friends?" As I say it I realize how ridiculous it sounds. And at this point I just don't care. I'm grasping at my own straws and I seem to be drawing the short ones every time.

"Um… okay. Where… when do you want to do this?" He's hesitating, but asking the right questions. A step in the right direction.

"How about the diner a few blocks from here? They have fantastic eggs. In about two hours, maybe?"

"Alex, it's almost midnight."

"I know. I just… I need to do this. Tonight. With you. But I have to clear my head and sober up a little more first. I won't be able to sleep tonight if we don't." And I won't. I'm not saying this to be dramatic. I'm saying this because after everything that has taken place I honestly won't be able to sleep tonight without some resolution.

"Okay, then."

"Good. So… I'll see you at 2."

He looks unsure of himself, like he doesn't want to leave. Part of him also seems to be relieved at the fact that it's not a permanent leaving. That he's going to see me again in the very near future. Tonight even. Now he's looking at me expectantly, as if needing instruction.

"You need to go. I don't care where you go for the next two hours, as long as you're sober when you show up at the diner. So you need to go. And I need to gather my thoughts."

At that he gives me a nod and turns to let himself out. I hope that we're not headed for another round of petty conversation. I hope we can really work this out. It's been eating at me, even if I've been too much of a coward to say anything to him. I have had my own problems with my emotions over the course of the last eight months and I let this get away from me as a priority, particularly after he started pushing me away. If my night with Peter left me feeling anything it was that I need to make this a priority if it is going to work. I've been thinking that maybe I didn't want to make the effort anymore, but after what happened on my couch a few moments ago I know for sure that I miss Bobby in my life… and not in the "partner" sort of way.

I start to make my way back to my bedroom and bathroom. I feel a nice bath might help clean me up and relax my mind before I go into this. Like it or not I am nervous. I am nervous because I know that I can't let myself settle here. I deserve better than someone who thinks they can push me away and reel me back in whenever it's convenient for them. Thus, if Bobby can't give me what I want, what I need, I can't be having Bobby in my life anymore.

The steam starts to fill the bathroom as I turn the water on a little hotter then normal. Sinking down into the deep tub, the best thing about this house in my opinion, I let the feeling of the water overtake my senses. It's like I'm trying to baptize my mind and let it be clean and pure again.

I get out almost a good 45 minutes later and wrap myself in my fluffiest towel. Moving to the mirror I take a good, long look at myself. I'm trying to see the strong woman I know is hiding in me somewhere. The woman that goes after what she wants and doesn't let herself be bullied by the men in her life. The woman who has survived a great many things including the loss of a husband and the birth of a child who wasn't hers to keep, not to mention being kidnapped and strung up like a piece of meat. It's been quite a while since I've seen her, but I can recognize bits of her in the mirror.

Pulling on my favorite pair of jeans and a black turtleneck sweater I take a moment to selfishly revel in the fact that I know I look good. So many women my age have already let themselves go… but I am getting a little satisfaction out of the fact that I can dress as simply as I am now and someone still finds me attractive. It's vain, I know. But it gives me that extra boost of confidence that I find myself needing more often then not these days.

With my boots on and my hair dry I pull my car up in front of the diner. I see Bobby already sitting at a both inside and it occurs to me that he probably just came here after he left my apartment. Where else would he go? His place is a little too far to make it worth it to go and come back within a span of two hours, and I asked him to be sober so he couldn't go to a bar.

I sit down across from him and the cup of coffee I see is already in front of him and try to meet his eye, which is not on me but gazing out the window. Still, I know he knows I'm here. As if on cue the waitress sets a cup of the elixir of life in front of me and walks away. I know she'll be back to ask us if we ant anything to eat at some inopportune time. That's when waiter and waitresses always come back to the table.

Now, I notice, his eye is on me. Looking at me longingly.

"Hi," I try to say as casually as possible.

"Hi."

…tbc…


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Once again, I don't own them.

A/N 2: This chapter didn't want to be written. But this is what it is. I know I am not updating as quickly as when I first started it 10 days ago, but I had three days to myself then, and now I am back to work. Hopefully, if the next chapter comes easier I can update a little faster. Otherwise, probably once a week. There are probably 2-3 chapters left.

Looking at Alex, as she sits across from me in that quiet way she has, I am reminded of why I love her so very much. Her simplicity. She is neither a flashy dresser nor a heavily made-up woman. Everything about her is low-maintenance. I don't know that she even understands the phrase "bad hair day." The majority of women I've dated, or even just found myself waking up next to, have been the anti-thesis of this. In fact, I'm pretty sure there are a few who would show up to a diner in a cocktail dress. Not Alex. While Alex knows there is a time and a place for everything and even owns a few cocktail dresses she would never dare go anywhere looking overdone. Particularly not to a diner at two o'clock in the morning.

I guess this simplicity that I find to be such an endearing quality in Eames' character may even be part of our problem here. Alex isn't like most women. She isn't going to be distracted and placated by jewelry or shopping sprees. She has more basic needs and desires. She wants to be loved and trusted and let in on intimate details of her significant others' life. While these things are the simplest elements of any good, lasting relationship (or so I've been told) I have apparently failed to provide her with them over these last few months. It could quite possibly easier if all she wanted was material possessions.

We've said our "Hello's" but now neither of us seems to know where to start. I sense her take a deep breath and know in my mind that I have to let her begin. After all, she is the one who brought us here.

"Bobby… before I say anything else I need you to know I love you. I need you to not just hear me say it but to really know it in your heart. I don't really know what the outcome of this conversation is going to be, only what I hope will happen. So I need you to know I love you, no matter what. Even if we choose to go our separate ways please know that…" I meet her eyes as her voice trails off and I can see clarity there. I can see that this is something that she truly does believe. Her love for me is something she really has faith in. I can also see it the second she realizes that of course I know this.

"I have to tell you, Bobby, that as much as I love you these past few months have more then tried my patience and my will to withstand the hard times. You've totally shut me out. Whatever your reasons are for doing that doesn't make it any less painful. I know you feel like you have to deal with everything on your own but that isn't the case. We've been seeing each other outside of work for two years, and we've worked together for six years. When we were just working together I could understand keeping the personal stuff away from me. Not now… not the last two years, really."

"Alex…." God, I don't even know what to say to her because she is so right.

"Bobby…" She cuts me off before I can even start. "I know I am partly to blame here, Bobby. I let you do it. I've kept my mouth shut the past eight months because, truth be told, I'm in too precarious an emotional position of my own to go picking fights about everything. Still, I've realized that one has to find a few things in life worth fighting for and you, you Robert Goren, are one of those things in my life. And I haven't been fighting for you. I'm sorry for that. I really am. But I'm ready now."

"Alex… Alex after you were kidnapped, after I almost lost you, I realized how much you meant to me. Yes, I know what you're going to say, yes of course you meant a lot to me prior to that. I mean… we had already been partners for six years and together for almost two so of course you meant a lot to me. Still, it wasn't until after I almost lost you that I realized what kind of a hold you have on my heart. Then you were having problems and I was having problems… not that that's any excuse. It was just all too much. I couldn't handle me and you and us. I wasn't willing to make myself handle it…" I'm staring at her nervously. This admission of mine that I was too week to even try to help her and help myself and help us… it's making me uneasy. I'm waiting for her to judge me, to tell me that she needs someone who can be there for her even when it's inconvenient.

And then.

The waitress returns.

Snapping her gum, staring at us blankly as if she doesn't know she interrupted something. "Can I get you folks something this evening?"

"Sure, can I have two eggs sunny side up with some whole wheat toast and sausage links?" Leave it to Alex to have a full appetite at a time like this. The waitress turns her attention to me next.

"I'll have the same, except with bacon."

When she turns and walks away I'm forced to look back at Alex. Look into those eyes that I'm having such a hard time reading at this juncture in the evening.

"Bobby. You realize that me, you and us really means us? We have to let ourselves help each other. It would make the weight of the world seem half as heavy. I don't want to have to be alone anymore. And I don't want you to have to be alone either. I want to be there for you as much as I want you to be there for me. I need it to be a two way street. If it can't be… this can't work."

"Eames. Alex." I stop myself for a second realizing that the last thing Alex wants right now is for me to call her by her last name. She's talking to me as my lover, mostly, and only a little bit as my partner. "Alex… I'm ready to try. Really try. Maybe you are looking for me to say something more than that but I don't have anything else at this point. It's very simple." At least, in my mind I've been able to break it down into something simple. It's easier for me to think of and describe as being simple. Baby steps. "I wasn't ready before. Then I saw you with someone else. Sure, it's petty that it took you being with someone else for me to stop being an ass but that was the catalyst. I know it's not much, but this is all I've got. I think if you and I start analyzing all the nuances of our relationship we could be in this diner for a very long time. So maybe it's a good thing Peter came along. If nothing else, he broke the ice for us."

"Bobby, you say you don't want to sit here and analyze our relationship. Truth be told I don't want to either. That said, eventually we are going to have to start communicating with each other about our lives. About your mom, and Joe, and your father leaving, and my kidnapping… and everything else. I need you to promise me that we're going to talk to each other, and that we're going to clue each other in on what's going on in our existence. I'm ready and willing to promise that to you. I know it's going to be hard work sometimes but I love you and I'm ready to commit to doing this. I need you to be willing to commit to it as well."

I decide that I need some human contact. With my arm crossing the distance between us I cover her tiny hand with my much larger one. This still the nervous fingers which had been tapping the table in a pattern only known to Alex.

"I love you. I'm ready and I love you and I never want to feel you that far away again. It's been a long, hard year. Maybe more than that. I'm realizing that at least when I have you around the days don't seem quite so unbearable." I don't know how to tell her that she means more to me than anything, and that if I lost her I would surely lose myself. So I settle for looking into her.

The look is returned with a genuine Alex Eames smile, something I've truly missed, and a squeeze of my hand. Her eyes are sparkling just a little and I understand now that being involved with someone who cares enough to want to be emotionally connected is something more profound then I ever realized before. She raises her other hand off the table and wipes the tears out of her eyes.

One thing I can be sure about. Alex Eames wouldn't be caught dead crying in public. Not even at 2 A.M.

Then she does something I'm not at all expecting. She puts twenty dollars on the table, presumably for the food that has not even arrived yet, and gets up and walks towards the door. It all happens so fast I hardly even realize it. I'm not sure what she's doing or what this all means.

At the door she stops and turns around, looking at me as if she only just realized I wasn't behind her. Giving me a mischievous grin she opens the door.

"You coming, Bobby, or are you going to let me go home to bed by myself?"

…tbc…


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Still don't own 'em.

A/N2: I personally don't think this chapter qualifies as M (some of you might disagree, I suppose) but the next chapter definitely will. You've been warned.

I don't know what made me realize I wanted to leave the diner. I just knew that I wanted to. While Peter had physically satisfied me the night before I can honestly say there is something different about being with someone who loves you. Someone you love.

Sure, you can have great sex with a person and never have known them before that encounter and never know them after. But the connection you have with a real partner, a partner in the purest sense of the word, makes everything that much better.

Many women would look at me like I am crazy. They would say I'm taking him back too quickly. But Robert Goren hasn't been known to go back on his word. So back at that table when he said he loved me and that he was ready to make that commitment to keep the lines of communication open I knew he meant it. He's not saying it to placate me. And that sparks a flame within me that I haven't felt since Joe died.

So I want him. Badly. I'm only human.

And I don't know what's taking him so long. The most clueless genius I've ever met.

Outside of the diner I can see him getting up and moving towards the door. As he starts to come through it I can't wait anymore. Coming at him from his side I push him up against the wall of the diner. Kissing him hard. My lips drinking every inch of him in. I put my hands on his cheeks and pull him in even closer.

"Al- Alex."

God, Bobby, what could you possibly want right now that you have to speak to get it?

"Ea- Alex." He keeps trying to get my attention. It's just so damn hard to give it when he's nibbling my ear the way he is right now.

"Alex. Stop. " I'm staring at him incredulously, wondering what could possibly be so important.

"Alex, there are things I want to do to you that cannot be done up against the wall of a diner in the middle of the night." Oh. That. His breathless whisper plays along my ear like a violin and I can't help but want him more. "I mean, they could be done, but we might be arrested for public indecency." God, I want this man so badly.

Grabbing him by the hand I spin around and drag him toward the car. Well, I drag him as much as a person of my stature can.

In the car my hands are shaking as though it is winter and I can't get the key in the ignition quick enough. I want so badly to just click my heels or wiggle my nose and magically be in my bedroom. Or on the couch. Or in the kitchen. Anywhere in my house really. With Bobby the possibilities are endless.

I speed the few blocks to my abode and am out of the car in a flash. As I fumble with the keys in the darkness strong hands come up on either side of me and I can feel warm breath on my neck.

We're back to the nibbling and the sucking and the licking. One strong arm comes down and wraps around my waist, fingers moving under my turtleneck to make contact with my skin.

It's like fire and ice, his cold fingers meeting my warm flesh. I turn in his arms so his fingers are pressing into my back and I let him push me against the door. His mouth seeking mine.

Eagerly, I wrap my left leg around his waist. I can feel him pressing into my pelvis ready and waiting. Our tongues and lips are doing a dance that is at once familiar but also new. It is as if we have opened a new door and that the lines of communication that we created with words back at the diner are letting the nonverbal feelings flow freely between us as well.

My right hand moves from where it has settled on his shoulder and rests gently on his throat as my small fingers try to make quick work of the buttons on his shirt. His hand has pushed my shirt up a little, exposing my stomach and my side to the cool early-spring night air.

This exposure coupled with the breeze that has come up off the ocean, as often happens out here in Rockaway, reminds me that we are still outside.

I like a good sexual thrill as much as the next person, maybe even a little more. However, having my neighbors catching me up against my door is not my idea of a good time. Personally, if I was seeking extra excitement, I would have preferred the diner.

But that's just me.

Somehow, Bobby's thoughts are in line with mine because as I work on the buttons of his shirt he has managed to finish unlocking my door. I reach behind me for the handle and push the door back, dragging us both inside as I go.

Bobby reaches back to close and lock the door behind us, then looks at me longingly once more. I can't see them in the darkness of my house but I know from experience that his eyes have darkened with desire and I can feel the tension radiating between us.

"Take the phone off the hook. I'm going to draw all the blinds." His request is simple, but it takes me a minute to move and he knows that I'm wondering what it is he hopes to gain by me meeting his want for the evening.

"I just want to lose myself in you. I want this night to be about us, and I don't want it to be interrupted. Maybe not even in the morning, either." Funny, how this guy can read my mind.

I wander into the kitchen and pull the cord out from the phones that sits on my counter. I even pause and put my cell phone on silent, knowing that I shouldn't turn it off but that I don't want it to ring or vibrate or provide any distractions whatsoever, either.

I hear Bobby in my bedroom, and the blinds being closed. He is a tactile man, and I know that part of the fun is getting to touch and feel things and experience them without seeing.

I wander in there slowly to find him now seated on the end of the bed. I can't see much but as I approach him I feel his shirt on the floor and know that he is bare from at least the waist up.

I step between his legs and his hands come to my hips and pull me into him. Even seated his head comes to almost to my shoulder. He buries himself for a brief second in my chest, then moves back to pull my turtleneck up over my head. Next comes my bra. It always amazes me that his large fingers are so adept at removing it.

Now there is no barrier between our upper halves and the skin on skin contact is divine.

Suddenly, intense desire kicks back in and this quiet moment is not giving me what I really want.

I bring one knee onto the bed next to him and the other follows on the other side so I am straddling his lap. His hands move to the buttons of my jeans and I can already feel myself. I'm ready for him. And by the feeling beneath me he is ready for me as well. It's nice to be wanted.

As his hand slides down between my underwear and my flesh I am so thankful I had the mind to get myself waxed last weekend even when I didn't know I'd be seeing anyone.

One finger traces the soft flesh that he has found anew between my legs. I look down at his face from beneath my hooded eyelids and see a wicked grin there.

I know it's going to be a long night.

…tbc…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Still don't own them. This chapter is most definitely rated 'M.' It's long, but maybe not long enough. I feel I could have drawn this out a lot more, so there may be some edits/additions in the coming days.

A/N2: I feel like some people are very opposed to Alex being with one guy the first night and then Bobby the second night. I don't know if it's just the idea of her being with two people in such a short time or what. However I do know that, for myself at least, people do these things and they make mistakes but that doesn't mean they don't come to find a certain clarity in however short a period of time. And, as adults, as long as all parties involved are consenting and okay with their decisions that we shouldn't judge them for the choices they make… I'll get off my soapbox now.

The things this woman makes me want know no bounds. In the back of my mind there is the cautionary voice that reminds me that she has been with someone else in the very recent past. However, the voice that reminds me of the hurt I have caused her comes through a little louder and that is the one that wins out.

If she can forgive me my faults I can certainly forgive her hers.

Running my hands slowly up and down her back, allowing one of them to tangle in her golden locks. Everything about her feels so soft and clean. I trail my left hand down the side of her ribcage and I feel goose-bumps rise off her thin flesh.

Her tongue reaches out and runs along my right ear, then her lips start back down in the other direction against my neck. Everything that passes between us arouses my senses even further. Drawing me in closer so that I pay attention to nothing but this woman. As if there is anything else I'd rather focus on.

I sense her movements slow and she pulls back a little, arms draped loosely around my neck. Self confident enough to not care that he chest is totally exposed to me in this moment. One of the many reasons I love this woman.

Her eyes look at me questioningly, seeking permission. I know what she's asking. She's giving further voice to the idea that crept into my head earlier. She wants to know that I do in fact want to be with her even though I know she was with someone else a little over twenty-four hours ago.

Meeting her gaze head on I apply a little more pressure to the hand that has never left her hair and pull her in, kissing her fiercely.

If anything, I am ever more determined to erase the memory of_ any_ man that has ever come before me.

She responds to my kiss eagerly, nibbling at my lips before inserting her tongue into my mouth and pressing her chest into mine. I can feel her nipples harden against my skin. The contrast between the heat I'm sure is radiating off me and the cool night air egging her on.

She removes one hand from its position around my neck and trails it down between us. When it reaches its destination my breath hitches a little bit. I feel my belt come free and her nimble fingers go to work on the button of my pants.

"Alex…" It comes out half groan, half exhalation.

"Hmmmmmm…?"

"God, you are so beautiful. I love you so much." I don't want it to sound too contrived or clichéd, but it is what it is. Some things in life are better said in their simplest form. Simple things like love aren't meant to be butchered by language. They are what they are.

"I love you too. So, so much." I can hear a hint of sadness and regret in her voice, and I know it's not for what may come or for what is happening, but for what we have done to each other.

Moving my hand to her face I tilt her chin so she is forced to look at me again. "We can't change it, so lets not let it ruin the moment."

She gives me a reassured nod and I take this as a sign that we will be okay. With that I flip us over so that she is on her back and I am above her, my pants now sitting much lower without the aid of a button or a belt to keep them up.

Resting back on my haunches I move to pull her pants off. I remove her left leg first and proceed to kiss from her ankle to the top of her thigh. I follow suit with the right leg. Now I notice her breath has quickened just a little and that she has moved her left hand to her breast and the right is reaching for my shoulder.

I look up at the smoldering look in her eyes and want nothing more then to spend the night devoting myself to this woman.

I begin placing small kisses along her inner thighs and her right hand moves into my hair, urging me on, while her right leg curls itself along my back. I take my time teasing open her warm folds with my tongue and fingers. Her body responds eagerly to my touch and before long I can hear her breath coming in small gasps.

I insert a finger into her slowly, and then a second one.

"Bobby… god… I want you so badly."

"One thing at a time…" I manage to get it out in between licks and kisses.

Her fingers are massaging my scalp methodically, almost in time with my mouth. We've always been so in sync. One would never know the last few months had ever happened with the way we have found our rhythm again.

I can both feel and see her getting closer to the proverbial edge. She is unselfconsciously squeezing her own breast with her left hand while her ministrations to my head are getting as erratic as her breathing.

I'm deliberately avoiding the delicate nub at the center of her core. Both prolonging her pleasure and drawing out my own.

"Bobby. You are such a tease." She says this with a smile that rings in my ears, causing me to let out a low chuckle.

"What an impatient woman you are. Good things come to those who wait, you know."

"Mmmmm. I. Don't. Want. To. Wait." Each word out of her mouth is punctuated by a gasp for air.

Her increasing arousal is increasing my own, and suddenly I don't want to wait anymore either.

Moving my mouth to "that spot"… the place just slightly to the left of her clitoris that I know drives her absolutely wild, I increase the pressure of my tongue pushing her over that last hurdle and into a state of pure pleasure.

Her nails are digging into my forearm, which has slid its way up to her hip bone, her pelvis thrusting up to meet my mouth. Her breath is coming in short bursts, and she is babbling my name, and calling out for God.

Her breathing slows as the pressure of my tongue slows and I allow her to temporarily come down from her high. I begin tracing fingers along her pelvis. Slowly, just letting her start to come back to herself.

"Bobby?"

"Mmmm?" I don't know what she will question and how she can possibly even think enough to ask a question at this point. I'm not sure I can even think enough to form an answer.

"Get up here. I don't know what made you think I was ready for a break."

With that I am startled out of our temporary peace, and my arousal returns full force. I pull myself up along her warm body and she wraps her arms around my neck, drawing my mouth to hers for a kiss.

She wastes no time before passing her tongue between my lips. Wrapping her legs around me I am startled with she manages to flip us over. The shear strength of Alex's body doesn't surprise me that much, but I'm more then double her weight. I suppose I shouldn't be so shocked, what with the intense workout routine she keeps up.

Looking at me from above she gives me a grin that makes her look like the cat that ate the canary.

"Hi." It comes out sounding incredibly devilish, and I know she is loving every minute of this. I've discovered that Alex, while an incredibly dominant personality, doesn't usually like to take charge in the bedroom. In fact, I've wondered if she kind of gets off on giving up that control. Still, when she does want to be in charge it is as hot as anything we've ever done.

It occurs to me that she wants to be in control simply because of her recent loss of control in our relationship. However, that thought is fleeting. I simply want to enjoy our experience and our intimacy.

She slides herself down my body in this torturously slow way that she has, nipping and kissing my flesh as she goes. I feel like a teenage boy that might explode before the main event.

As her tongue begins to glide along my member my senses kick in full force. It's as if I can feel her taste buds on me.

She takes me into her mouth ever so slowly, all the while looking up at me with lust-filled hazel eyes. She moans a little as she takes me further and it creates a sensation against my skin that is too much for me to bare.

With that I can't take anymore. Grabbing her by the shoulders I pull her up on top of me. Moving my hands quickly to her hips I lift her up just a little and settle myself inside of her.

"God. Bobby." She sounds as if it is too much and yet not enough all at the same time. She slowly starts moving her hips against mine and I trust upward to me her. We keep the pace slow at first, letting her adjust. Size is an issue here, and not just because of me but because she herself is so small.

"Alex, you are so beautiful. Especially like this. Always." She leans down and suckles on the hollow of my neck, squeezing my right nipple, continuing to grind her hips down onto mine.

"Bobby. Bobby, I want you so badly. Have wanted this. Been missing this." This is a big admission on her part and it reminds me that no matter how great or intense the sex may be, that part of what I love so much about Alex is her willingness to be emotionally available in these moments we share together.

She leans back on my now bent knees and begins to ride me full throttle. I move my left hand up to squeeze her breast and bring my right to wear our bodies are joined. Her jaw goes slack as I gently rub the little nub that I find there.

"Mm-more Bobby. Harder… please." Her pleading with me for release is so damn sexy. I know what she wants, even without her asking for it directly.

Re-taking the reigns, I flip us back over and pull her lithe legs up over my shoulders. I begin to drive myself into her at full bore. Her hands reach around and claw at my back while vigorously meeting my hips with her own.

I bend my head and bite her shoulder. Just enough to mix a little pain with the pleasure. I know the contrasting sensations drives her wild by the way she arches her back off the bed, pushing the crown of her head into the mattress.

I can feel my own release building. Winding tight like a coil within my abdomen. She's writhing underneath me now and there is a sheen of sweat causing her body to glow.

She starts babbling again, calling out for God and whatever higher powers are out there that she thinks is listening. I feel her muscles tightening around me and the thrust of her hips reach its peak and that is when I decide to let myself go.

I give five more quick, hard thrusts into this woman that I love so much before finally releasing inside of her.

I realize that I've collapsed half on her and half just to the side of her a few moments after it happened. At least it feels like a few moments, but who knows how long it has actually been.

I come back to myself to find her eyes gazing into mine. The haze of sleep and contentment filling them. I wrap one arm around her as I roll so I am completely off her. With the other arm I pull the comforter over us.

She curls deeply into my side and I begin tracing circles on her back.

"I love you, you know." She looks up at me again when I say this. "And not just for the sex," I say jokingly.

She lets out a little chuckle and rolls over so I am spooning her. The silence that passes between us is long enough to make me wonder what she is thinking, and if she actually believes me. And then…

"I love you too." There it is, the response I would sell my soul for. I kiss her temple gently, pull her in closer, and wait until I hear her breathing even out before letting myself drift to sleep.

…TBC…one chapter left kiddies.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: They still aren't mine. This is it for this story. I hope you enjoyed it. I definitely enjoy both reviews and constructive criticism so feel free to leave either/or.

We fell asleep around six in the morning. Then we woke up and made love again around nine. I should say… Bobby woke me up and we made love again. My guess is it's noon now, but I haven't opened my eyes yet so I haven't seen the clock.

It's because I can feel the absence of a body in the bed next to me. I'm scared to death that he ran again and I know that no matter how much I love him I don't have the energy to try and pull him back if that's what he's done. At that point, the only thing more impossible than me asking him to leave would be me asking him to stay.

The sudden noise of something sizzling on the stove startles me out of my reverie, and it takes me a second but it eventually clicks somewhere deep in my mind that he has not left. He's just making breakfast. Or lunch. Or whatever meal fits with whatever time of day it may be.

Opening my eyes I see it is almost one in the afternoon. The last time I stayed in bed this late it was raining and there was nothing I had to be doing. That was a few years ago. Maybe there is hope for this guy yet, if his intentions are to keep me in bed all day. And cooking is included. Although, god only knows where he got food to cook with because I know there isn't anything he would consider edible here.

I close my eyes and am debating whether to let him come find me with the food, or if I should go to him. When I hear the sizzling on the stove stop my mind is made up to stay in bed and let him come to me.

He doesn't let me down. Entering the room with two plates of pancakes and sausage, and wearing no shirt to boot, makes me smile and the look I can feel passing over my face I'm sure gives away what I feel right now. Contentment.

Placing the plates on the bedside table he sits down next to me, brushes my hair out of my face, and kisses me softly on the lips. "Hey, sleepyhead."

"Don't make fun of my proclivity for sleeping. You're the one that tired me out." At this he grins and wraps his arm around me, pulling me into a seated position. Then he uses his other arm to prop my pillows up behind me.

Breakfast in bed. A girl could get used to this. He even slathered the syrup on my pancakes, knowing how I love my many-times-daily sugar fix. I dive right in to a bite of sausage, and then he picks up the other plate and does the same.

We eat in total silence, something both of us can appreciate, and when I'm so full I feel I'm about to bust at the seams I put my plate back on the bedside table. It's now that I take full notice of the fact that he hasn't made himself truly comfortable and that he is still sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to my body, glancing sideways at me from time to time.

He stacks his plate on top of mine and begins to play nervously with his hands. I can read his body language to a letter, after all these years together, and it's apparent that he wants to get up and pace but isn't.

"Alex…" He says my name so softly I almost miss it. There is a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that he was buttering me up with food only to now let me down.

"Bobby… before you say anything…" I start in.

"Willyoucomewithmetoseemymomtoday?" It comes out in a gasped breath. And I've never heard anything sweeter.

I can tell by the way he won't look at me that he's nervous, and that what comes out of my mouth next is very important to him. I have to choose my words wisely.

I pull myself up and lean my head against his back, feeling my bare skin against his, wrapping my arms around his midsection. Turning slightly, I press a kiss against his right shoulder-blade.

"Bobby…" I start slowly. I'm incredibly overwhelmed with emotion at what he is asking of me. He's never held me so close to the rest of his life.

"Bobby I don't have much to offer you. But one thing I know for sure I can provide is a shoulder to lean on. And not just now. For the rest of our lives together. Of course I will go with you to see your mom. I would go to the end of the earth with you if you asked me to."

I stop myself. I don't want to overwhelm him when I'm conscious of the fact that he is making himself emotionally vulnerable to me.

He turns to the side and wraps his arm around me, pulling me against his chest and laying us back on the bed.

"Thank you…"

"I haven't done anything."

"You've been here. In your quiet way, you've been here. Even when I tried so hard to push you away…"

"Bobby, as your friend I could never abandon you. Not like that. Even if we stopped…" I trail off a little bit, not sure how to say what it is I want to say. "I would never turn away from you if you needed me emotionally. It just hurts when you don't let me in. It's hard, I get it. It's personal, and I get that too." I close my eyes and draw on the strength I know I have buried inside of myself.

"When Joe died I wouldn't let anyone in. But then, I didn't have anyone close enough to let in. I had my family, but it wasn't the same as having 'that person' to confide in. You're that person for me now, and you have been for quite a while. I want to be that person for you. I'm not saying you have to let me in on everything. I would like that, but I know it's asking a lot. I just don't want you to push me away."

"This is hard, Alex. There is so much going on in my life right now and I tried to push you out of it because I was trying to get something off my plate. I couldn't push my mom away, for obvious reasons, I need my job to pay my rent and you… I'm not sure I realized how much I actually needed you until now."

I look up at him and see genuine sincerity in his eyes. "I always knew I needed you… I just didn't know how much." He's reiterating his point, making sure I understand. "It's nice to touch something solid I can cling to."

I feel like there has been a weight on my chest that suddenly is being lifted. Bobby is my touchstone in life, and he pretty much just told me that I'm his. I feel like he's ready to let me in once and for all.

I pull myself even tighter up against Bobby's body. If I could live inside his skin, in this moment, I would.

"I want to give you so much, Alex. I really do. It's just going to take time for the craziness in my life to sort itself out."

"I know. I'm just glad you're finally going to let me help you muddle through this messy hand that life has dealt."

We lie in silence for a little while. Bobby is tracing circles with thick, calloused fingers along my back. In turn, I am running my nails along his bicep. Time is passing, too quickly for a Saturday afternoon together.

"What time do you want to go?" I query softly, not wanting to overstep my bounds. While he is inviting me in to this area of his life, I am still expecting him to set the pace at which we will walk this road together.

"Maybe around four. That way we'll be there around four-thirty and then we can sit with her for a while and when she has dinner, usually around six. I called. The nurses say she is having a good day."

He pauses there, as if in deep thought.

"We could go to dinner on our way back," I suggest.

"Maybe." He's indecisive. Or, at least, he's acting like he's indecisive. "Maybe we could just come back her and be together."

It's one of those things that I love about Bobby. One of those secrets I've been privileged enough to be let in on. That Robert Goren actually does, on occasion, like to do absolutely nothing.

I know that the times when we will be able to "just be together" without having chaos surrounding us will be few and far between. That's just how life is. It's for this reason that I know it's impossible to deny this man his wish for the evening. I'm just going to be grateful for the fact that things are relatively quiet at the moment, and that I can spend this time with a person, no _the person_, who incites such a passionate flame within me.

_Fin._


End file.
